Prologue:
Pretty much ever since I've been responsible to maintain a vehicle, I've taken them to Jiffy Lube to get routine service. I recently went to Jiffy Lube to get my car inspection and registration taken care of and had an especially lousy experience. I've had minor problems with Jiffy Lube before and always brushed them off. The whole sordid tale is below for those who wish to read on but for those who don't, I would strongly urge you to patronize ANY establishment other than Jiffy Lube. I ended up at the Grease Monkey on Parrish Lane in Centerville and got right in and out and I'll be going there in the future.
As a typical, law abiding citizen, I took in my car in to take care of the testing needed to renew our car's registration which was set to expire at the end of May. As my father before me, I usually try to take care of these kind of things first thing in the morning so it doesn't take as long. Due to the variety of activities we had been engaged in over the course of the month, I ended up putting the ordeal off until the last Saturday of the month which happened to also be the 31st.
As I've done for awhile now, I headed over to the Jiffy Lube on 5th South in Bountiful. I needed an oil change and they have the on-site renewal where you can register without having to wait for the stickers to come in the mail from the state. For the benefit of non-Utah resident readers, at this point, I'll briefly comment on how ridiculous these tests are. The emissions tests are of limited value and the 'safety' check is an absolute joke. About all it's good for is to keep windshield repair and wiper blade-selling establishments in business. I won't comment on Utah's other registration requirements (which include a yearly tax on your vehicle) other than to throw out the word 'exorbitant'.
I hate getting the tests done because when your car's 'getting up there' in car years, there's this palpable sense of dread while you're waiting for the tech to come back. You're waiting for he/she to tell you that you'll have to drop X thousands of dollars in order to pass. It's as dramatic as any waiting room scene on 'Grey's Anatomy' (or I assume it is since I don't really watch Grey's Anatomy). It's definitely less witty and condescending than 'House', though. Medical-drama comparisons aside, however, the tech again delivered the good news that our car had passed but there was some minor bad news as well.
Apparently, I wasn't the only person to wait until the last day to register their vehicle because the tech informed me that their registration renewal system had just crashed and someone was going to need to come out to get it up and running. I asked the tech if he could print off the testing certificates and if I'd need to have the tests redone. He said to come back anytime after the system was back up, they could print them off and I wouldn't need to go through the whole ordeal again (this will become important later).
Since I can understand that systems issues happen, I had other errands to run so I'd be back around anyway and, from what he explained, it wouldn't require a lot of extra time, I told them it wouldn't be a problem and I'd be back later. I was pretty easygoing about the whole thing. I checked in a couple hours later (system still down) and finally one more time early that evening (system back up).
When I got there the last time, the tech that had taken care of my car that morning wasn't around so I explained my situation. I was told that I could get my tags printed up in "about 10 minutes". After 20 minutes of Tetris playing on my cell phone in the waiting room, I went back out to find out what the deal was and it was downhill from there. I was told that not only would I have to wait awhile longer since there was another car in the bay in the middle of being tested (BTW, this car had come in after I arrived for my 3rd visit that day), but that my car would have to be tested AGAIN. I was told that this was because I had "taken off" before the paperwork was printed (even though I had been told it couldn't be done but could easily be printed later). Again, for those not familiar with this pointless ritual, running both tests takes around 30 minutes on average.
This sent me into Testy Consumer Mode. I don't usually suffer from TCM that often but it's about as close as I get to becoming a radiation exposure-induced green monster. Up to this point, this bout of TCM was still pretty tame and I was trying to be pleasant about the whole thing. I explained that since I initially arrived first thing in the morning, I was really first in line so my car should be given priority. The tech must have felt that I was trying to lure him into a maze of circular logic with this astute argument because I got the "talk to my manager" brush off.
I found the manager out back and again explained the situation, how their system had caused the whole problem and that I would like to get it taken care of immediately. To his credit, he was courteous and appeared empathetic but there wasn't anything that could be done to get me on my way and Jiffy Lube wasn't going to do anything to make up for the fact that they had now made me waste two or three times as much of my day as this whole thing should have required.
At this point, I was fed up and asked for my money back for the testing so I could take it somewhere else. While the manager processed the refund, he explained that the $5 discount I received for my total bill would have to be removed. I was given $5 off for the maintenance services I received since I had them add on a couple other things (which I could have done myself) but apparently, the tech who wrote up my bill attached the discount to the testing services instead. This is why sloth is one of the seven deadly sins: It makes you pay more for car repairs than you really should.
I confirmed with the manager that for all the trouble I had gone through with Jiffy Lube that day, my final reward was to remove my service discount. When he said there wasn't anything he could do about that, I knew I would never be returning to a Jiffy Lube ever again.
